Making friends at uni

It's been a long time I haven't written for my Uni tag. So today I'm here, ready to talk about a few things I've observed at uni so far. Perhaps one of my biggest concerns before my freshman year started and something that almost everyone worry about: how to make friends at uni. Things are about to get really deep here so prepare yourself for a really long read. Oh, and no gifs this time. :p


Now, I'm not writing all this because I believe that I have it all figured out and that I'm the best kind of best friend in the whole wide universe. hahaha no.
I remember being so worried at the start of my first year that I even read a few stuff and advice on wikihow and pinterest (Yes, my social skills and confidence are that bad.)
All universities have this Freshers Week and a few other events for new undergraduates where new students get a chance to know each other before the start of their course. I attended a few of those events, also because these are types of opportunities you get to explore you campus, talk to current students and staff and find answers to nay questions you might have about you uni!
Attending open days and Freshers week events are a must. You get freebies (pens and highlighters galore!), free food, and a chance to meet a few people from your course so that you won't feel totally out of place on your first day.

But in reality, half the people I got to know on those events weren't even on my same course, so I didn't see them around campus as often. But that's okay you know. What's important is that you have a good time wherever you find yourself.
I met a friend with whom I got along really well at one of those events. He is a really sweet and friendly guy who likes animes, cosplay and a little bit of K-pop, and we have been keeping in touch on Facebook ever since.

Back in high school, I didn't really have many friends, and I barely keep in touch with anybody from my class, as most of the people I hanged out with were from different classes. That's why I was initially a bit nervous and wanted to make friends that would stick with you for the long years in uni. You know, like study buddies and emotional/mental support pal.
So here are a few things from my experience I would like to share:

1) Not all friendships last forever.

I grew up listening to my mom saying this. ''Don't trust people to be in your life forever''.
What she meant was that she wanted to teach me to stand up on my own and not rely on people. And she is right. So I wasn't very disappointed when people came and left. Sometimes I would feel sad about it, and at times, I really wondered if there was something wrong with me. Something that people didn't like about me, or if I have unintentionally hurt them somehow. Maybe there has been a few mistakes I've made because of my awkward personality. I'm really good at hiding my internal panic, but people perhaps don't really how much I lack confidence in socialising and conversations. I try my best to be nice before shy, so once I get along with a friend, I'm comfortable enough to talk to them for hours. But even then, I sometimes probably talk too much about things they are probably not interested in, or maybe I would get too attached to them. I mean, since when getting in touch and conversing with friends to ask them what's up has become a bad thing? It makes me sad to think about it. This always makes me hesitate before I decide to talk to someone on Facebook. And this is the reason why I've lost touch with some friends, because I don't want to seem overly-attached, and they probably never even bothered to wonder why I'm not around. People who were so close to you last year, now are strangers.
I swear, friendships probably have sadder stories than love and heartbreaks.

It's important to realise and remember that some friendships aren't meant to last forever, but don't let that stop you from making new friends! Just like my mum said, be independent. Girls, you don't need your troops to follow you to the bathroom. Boys, it's okay to stay on your own and not go out at football games with the other guys. Seriously, being alone is not as terrifying as it sounds! Just make sure there is a balance of alone time and friends and family time in your life. And when a friend leaves, wave goodbye. Let it go. You're still cool, and if they ever come back, welcome them with open arms. Everyone had bad days, and the most important thing here is that you be the good friend first. If you do that, people will start appreciating you and the time you spend for them. Communication and honesty is key to every relationship.

2) Surround yourself with people who make you feel good, even if there are few of them.

At uni, I've realised how easy it is to make toxic friendships before you even know it. Or even back in high school in certain cases. Basically, the first week at a new college is the time when everyone is at their most vulnerable point. The toxic people also want friends. No, they NEED friends, just as much as you. They will probably be the nice and most approachable ones. I had a friend the first couple of weeks, who so got on my nerves. She was so dependent on me for almost everything! When she didn't know what classes we have, when do we have tests, or seriously any kind of doubt, she would give me a call.  That's all fine to me really. I'm glad to help with things because she is new here.  And I thought we should get along since we have most classes together. The problem that really bugged me was her personality. You see, she is horrible at certain times, and maybe she doesn't realise that. She would speak loudly or talk on the phone in the library, and I would get second-hand embarrassment because of that. She always wants to find out what I'm doing, wants my notes to revise or when I stay behind to talk to the lecturers she also tags along.
Then, she gets mad when I don't understand what she's saying because of her accent and broken English. She even made fun of my weight twice. Like seriously, why even.
I get mad at myself sometimes for sticking with her and tell myself that I'm not that desperate enough to have friends like that. But you know, I can't. I do want to help her and be nice to everyone, and I do believe that people do get a chance to correct themselves and mature when they get to university. 
We are all our own special kind of spoiled, broken mess after high school, and we are all in this together: like being drafted in a deserted island and we have to learn to build boats and sail into the world of adults. 

If you want to sail far, you're gonna need a ship. And every ship needs teamwork. So go and choose the people in your squad. People who motivate you to do better and be better, and who would also help you get back up when you fall.
Make sure you don't make friends who slow you down or gets in the way of you daily objectives. It's hard to let them know as politely possible that you can't hang out with them. Just believe that even the worst cases of people do get better with time. Surround yourself with good people, but also be a part of the good people someone else will surround themselves with. I hope this makes sense. My point is to no give on people who seem to struggle with life in general. Don't shut them off completely, and know your red alarms that tell you to back off. Some people need time to get sorted, while others, well, need an awful lot of time. :)
Be the good vibe for others and don't get caught in the web.

3) The ''Grades Before Friends'' people 

Honestly, I felt bad for the people I met who said that they are ''not here to make friends. (they are) here to study and get good grades''. Because that was exactly my attitude many years ago, but it didn't take me long to realise that. This is something common I see often in the Asian culture I come from. Probably something our parents has stressed to us ever since we were babies that it's better to study than waste time chatting and lazing around with friends. In the end, all you need is to prioritise how to waste your time and what is worth your time.

 I have seen lots of people even back in high school, who you've gotten to know because of a group project you're all stuck with, or met at a study group. These acquaintances are what I call ''business partners''. They will stick around with you after the deal is over and done. So after the project or revision session, it's like you've never met them. Now come on! Don't be that person. Don't be a business partner. It really doesn't cost you anything to say hey what's up the next day. Or don't just hang out with that person only when you need help with something. What good is that?


 It's amazing the things you can learn from other people. They are all like packages of anecdotes, experience, advice and more importantly, memories. The whole purpose of socialising should not necessarily be for personal benefit only. In the long run, you will only have the wonderful memories of people you've gotten to know. So I hope you enjoy the long ride that is university.
And lastly,

4) It's completely fine to be alone

I've never actually had a problem going places alone, eating alone, going home alone, and I'm not embarrassed by it either. As an introvert, I really need to recover my social energy by spending some quiet quality time with myself, or with my family. It's okay, my friend! You are not alone. (See what I  did there? xD ). Like I said earlier, being alone and standing up for yourself is a great thing. Just make sure to balance it to your preference and don't turn into a caveman.

^_^