Hello again! If you're reading this, I'm surprised you're still here and would like to come out of the screen and personally hug you for being here. Like seriously, thank you! I know I have been neglecting this blog again for some time. I already have so many blogs which I have started with so much enthusiasm and only to have it fade away a couple of months later. But I really want to make this one work. It has become a personal project of mine to not quit anything I love doing this year. So far, I like writing here, even though very few of you are reading it than the numbers I had on Tumblr. But my Tumblr now is so full of reblogs that the personal feeling I have here is lost.
As June begins, I'm glad most of the stress has decided to give me a break. And now I have to build up a timetable and a list of activities to keep me busy and focused. It is so easy to loose you way from your life goals during summer holidays.
This year has really not been a good one, and I've learned many things the hard way. So that's why it is important for me not to go back to the lazy and dreamy person I was.
I have recently made a quite important discovery. Ever since graduation, I've kind of lost the habit of waking up at 5 / 6 am, depending what classes I have. I am so not an early riser by choice! Like seriously, I love sleep so much! Sometimes I wonder how long I could actually go on sleeping if I don't put the alarm or nobody comes to wake me up. Hey, I should plan a day for this to find out!
But normally I don't have any problem waking up early the next morning when I have a commitment or a task to attend to.
It's easy and tempting to not wake up so early as I used to since there is nothing I have planned at that hour. Today I tried to wake up at 5 am, and let me tell you what a curious experience it was. First of all, everybody in my house was still sleeping, and it's kind of chilly at 5 am in the morning. My mind was still half asleep and wanting to burn the whole world and everything on it, including myself, to hell. But a few minutes and a couple of cold splashing water to my face later, I did not regret it. I thing I must have forgotten how refreshing it is to wake up at this hour. I could just be by myself a little and enjoy the silence for at least 3 hours before the whole house wakes up, It is a great way to start the day and improves my mood to a great level. I suppose I don't hate early mornings after all. Yes, my stubborn self will still and always hate everything the first few minutes of waking up. It stays in a pitiful and vulnerable state, typical if you're not a natural morning person, and you know what? That's perfectly fine. The way I see it, this attitude literally gives me a wake-up call (get it? hahaha.. sorry bad joke. **ahem**) that you know, life is hard. There will be moments when it's hard and makes you want to quit. But if I just stay through it, I will be glad I resisted the urge to take the easy way out. By making the most of my early morning instead of going back to sleep, I was able to make the rest of my day significantly lighter and not have to put up an all-nighter. I still love going to sleep late though...
Times are quite smooth recently, and as usual they make me feel rather uneasy. Like, what other unavoidable catastrophe is to befall on myself shortly after?
The thing is, the reason why things are working out quite well lately is because I have stopped resisting and changing myself according to what others wish and need me to be, especially my family. Turning 20 this December and still living with my family is kind of suffocating sometimes, especially because they have to dictate me about everything. I mean, don't get me wrong, my parents are wonderful people. They don't try to control me, but they do drop not-too-subtle hints on how they wish I was different, or worse, how they wish I could be more like someone else's daughter. That hurts sometimes and have led to countless heated arguments in the past, usually ending up with me in tears because I get emotional and then being called immature because of that. I was never a rebellious teen, but eventually a couple of weeks ago I started to get fed up and started reflecting on whether these suggested changes are indeed needed for my better sake. Maybe I should try and change to be what they desire me to be? After all, I do owe it to them and they know best. So it's started and I have been adding a list of their requirements as well as my own while I start my journey on my personal growth. I do want to change this year and be someone remarkable and smart while leaving my old regrets behind.
What I want to start with is becomig the idea type of daughter my family wants, and this could either be a good thing or bad thing, who knows? I suppose I'll have to see how it goes. I plan on eventually and slowly try to make them see that there are some things about me that might look, say, baddish, but it's still me and my personality. One must be true to themselves before and above pleasing others. So yep, I suppose I'll start a section on my blog about philosophical conversations and personal growth. :o (why does that sound so boring when I say it?)
I'm sorry I have to end this so brisquely, but I didn't really have a point to get to when I started writing this post. Just wanted to show up and say I'm alive. So here I am.
More posts coming up soon and I hope you'll all look forward to them
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