Day #1: Discuss your current relationship/being single
I had started writing this post during Halloween weekend.
And I don't know... I just wanted stay in bed all day and watch a really sad movie that will destroy me to tears.
Which is so unlike me. I'm usually quite hyped about Halloween and celebrate it with Tim Burton marathons...
I'm not sure I can recognise my emotions right now: I feel tired but I am okay with it. I don't feel like quitting or giving up any of the activities keeping me so busy. In fact, the feeling of accomplishment is really overpowering the depression that sometimes sneaks its way into my mind. Or maybe I'm just getting old...
So yep. Back to this challenge, and let me use this opportunity to talk about a few facts people say, real quick:
''You have to have partner by your 20s''
Hahaha, okay I know this is a ridiculous fixation. From my last post, I had written how worried I sometimes felt about turning 20 and not having the important parts of my life figured out. The truth is that I'm afraid I am oscillating between this two attitudes: one that is confident and that feels okay to not have a crystal sharp plan, and one that is terrified that I don't have a plan.
I generally get this feel around me from some people I've talked to (and from k-dramas, hehe! -.-'') ; that at 20, you should be doing this and that: like having a boyfriend, working and earning enough to be independent,
For quite a while, I was swiped into this kind of fixation and it caused me to worry that I was single, because all my friends were either worrying about it or getting into relationships.
Then, I just slapped myself, because worrying about something like this is really so ridiculous!There is no such thing as that kind of expectations. Currently I am happy being single!!
I am totally okay with the fact that I can focus on myself first. I admit that as a person, I'm a mess at handling life sometimes. I get nervous and love to make a fuss about small, mundane things to myself. I'm trying to get everything a bit sorted inside my head. . Maybe I will meet the right person when the right time comes.
For now, I am content with what I have and what I do. I can go days without talking to anyone, and this might offend some people into thinking I don't like them. I might forget birthdays, or other social meetings. There are days when I don't want to go out at all, and I most definitely hate talking on the phone. I can slack on work, wear clothes like I don't care how I look (which I usually do anyways), and days when I really don't want to make an effort to look pretty. I can just lie down in my room with food and movies, and be totally carefree and fine with it.
And if it ever gets lonely, I can always watch k-pop videos (which is not always a helpful solution. I have way too many biases. hehehe!
So yeah, as you can see, no need to worry about me, just leave me here with my delusions. I'm good for the next few decades.
''Single vs In a relationship''
Anyways, I'm glad I waited to write this post. Just yesterday, while I was taking the train on my way to uni, I was listening to a few songs on my phones when I realised something funny. Most of the songs I have are actually really sad ones, or about heartbreaks. For me, those kind of songs are probably the best ones out there. Sad song are just so deeply poetic and perfect for rainy days! They totally get you. And I was like, if I ever get into a relationship, how would I ever appreciate this songs again? Surely, I would never be able to listen to them the same way.
And since we're talking about it, I am so curious to know what kind of songs do people who are in a relationship listen to?
I don't know.... thinking about this question made me feel like us single people are a completely different species to the rest. Like SERIOUSLY, someone please tell me. I want to know!
And how do you guys behave at dates at the restaurant. I don't even eat out with my friends. They always say why I never seem to eat much when I'm out. The things is I barely feel hungry when i'm out, because I need to at home and comfortable to eat what I like. I am very cringy to eating in public, and feel like people probably judge you on what you order and eat. Oh, and another reason: I ain't sharing my fries with anyone!!
Relationship with normal people vs Relationship with me
''Anti-lovers? Nah.''
I'm not that kind of person who hates and throws up on lovers walking by, acting sweet and fluffy. Nope. I'm all for that! We have so much hate on this planet, so why discourage somebody else's affection just because it's unfair that I don't have that kind of thing in my life?
Of course, it would be nice to actually have someone in your life, who gets and accepts your hopelessly weird and lazy self. Honestly, if I ever get a boyfriend (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. **sigh**), the first thing I would do is to take him to a psychologist for a checkup, because how someone could fall in love with me is beyond my comprehension.
And if you're lucky enough to have found that person, do your best to keep them!
''Crushes, friendships and heartbreaks''
Or if you have a crush on someone, please PLEASE do yourself a favour and tell them. I know you see this advice everywhere but never take it seriously 'cause y'all like, ''Yeah, right! Easier said than done.''
Well guess what? It is that easy!! Just tell them, write them, text them if you have to. I've been there before and I most certainly did not take that advice myself. I did not that person that I like him so much. And now, the feelings I have for him are unresolved and it's been hard to let go. Even though we are far away from each other, I really regret that I didn't tell him. The main reason was that, yes, I was scared to lose our friendship.
But there was this video on Youtube that I found that was explains it all in a nutshell. It's a video from this channel called ''Blimey Cow'' (amazing people, go and subscribe). I can't seem to find the video right now, but I promise I'll update with the video soon.
Basically, Jordan from Blimey Cow, reflect on this excuse we all have about the fact that we can't confess our feeling because we're afraid to lose the friendship we have with the person we like. He argues that we should tell them, and that if we do lose our friendship after that, then it just simply means that our friendship probably wasn't that strong enough to begin with.
This is just a quick way of moving on. Speaking out and getting rejected is better than having our feelings stuck on a limbo full of ''what if?''s and regrets for years and years! Trust me, I've been there. It might and it will hurt, but at least you'll know where you stand.
I really regret until today that I didn't.
''God is saving you for someone special''
I swear if I hear this one more time.
While yes, no offense, I strongly believe that God has a plan for each and everyone of us. But at this rate, sometimes I mumble to myself that my soulmate must be (and better be) someone damn special. So yeah, it's probably Kim Seokjin. I'll be marrying Kim Seokjin, and y'all witnesses at my wedding.
Hahahaha. So all things aside, love is a beautiful thing. It's not something you find by wasting your time and searching for it desperately. There is no planned age where you are SUPPOSED to find your special someone. Love has a mind and hear of its own and it will find you when the right time comes.
And when it does, love may not always be a mutual feeling. And while having a crush on someone give you hope and makes you feel a happy, it's important to not keep those feelings to yourself for too long.
And when you do tell them, it may not always be a happy ending. If that's the case, it's probably for the best. Rejection is probably the coldest but the quickest way to let go of your delusions. You will find someone new, someone you were meant to be with.
Awww look at me being so cute and fluffy. I'd better stop talking before you throw up. I hope you like my post and comment down below to let me know. Especially the question about music written above, that has now gained a spot on my list of ''Mysteries of life to think about while in the shower/train/insomnia''. So please, save me from this doom of unknowing (?).
I wish you all the best with your romantic selves, and I'll see you soon.
^_^
Meanwhile:
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